Dear Fertile People

Things an infertile girl wants you to know

Purple nail polish?

In the last month or so, I have had several unexpected infertility and loss bonding sessions.
A sweet co-worker going through her first loss. The lovely tech taking my blood the day before Mother’s Day while being surrounding by pregnant women. The online friend trying to figure out how to mark the due date of her lost baby without falling into the pit of depression.

These three conversations were a result of my openness and willingness to talk about infertility and loss. This is fairly new for me. I used to be fully in the closet. I don’t even know why. Why don’t people talk about infertility? It’s too personal? That just seems silly now. I gain so much from these interactions. Infertility, despite the strong online community, is very isolating in real life. Fertility is all around you – literally. You feel alone in your grief with only your spouse to hang on to. Until you start talking about it. When you find a person dealing with infertility too, the bond is immediate. You are sisters. Sisters in loss. We have our own club. It sucks, but it’s ours.

I wish that there was a way for us to find each other IRL. Without stupid rubber bracelets. Something more subtle. Purple nail polish on our pinky fingers?

2 Comments

  1. I love this idea! We should start an international campaign or something.
    I think the main reason I have become so private about my loss and infertility experiences is because I’ve unfortunately had more awful responses (or non-responses, since most people can’t seem to change the topic quickly enough) than good ones. I agree that this stuff is everywhere, and it’s probably true that if we don’t change it the taboo will continue, but most days I just don’t have the emotional energy to suffer one more callous comment, you know? Maybe I’ve just had bad luck. Either way, I agree and applaud you for being brave enough to be so open!

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