Dear Fertile People

Things an infertile girl wants you to know

Month: June 2013

Guilty

I have PCOS.
I have a blood clotting gene mutation.
I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.
I am infertile.
I suffer from recurrent miscarriages.

This body and these genes have determined my life path. They have also chosen it for my husband.

My guilt over this is tremendous. My husband is so good about this being “our disease” or “our monster.” How can I not blame myself though? How can I not blame my body for killing his children?

I can’t.

Don’t Say This

You are so lucky with no kids, you get to sleep in!

Sleeping in is pretty great. I will freely admit that.
I’m not sure it is quite comparable though.
Sleeping in or a lifetime of broken dreams?
Sleeping in or the overwhelming sadness of your husband never being a father?
Sleeping in or celebrating due dates for lost children rather than birthday’s?
Sleeping in or….

Please don’t say this. There is nothing lucky about having this path chosen for you.

A tip

Why are Mother’s and Father’s Day so close?
Why not space them out to give us infertile/loss people a bit of time to breathe?

As I was falling apart, my husband was working desperately to help me keep it together.
Reverse that, only one month later and I am feeling off-kilter and unbalanced.

This year was particularly hard for both of us. We have already decided that next year we are going to try and ignore it all and go to a movie. We just sat around, looked at each other and cried occasionally. I do not want to do that again anytime soon.

Here’s a tip for the fertile people: it’s ok to acknowledge these two days. If you are thinking of it, you can be sure that we are as well.

Father’s Day

Watching my husband struggle today is heartbreaking.
He’s a Father to six except not. There’s no celebrating in this empty home.

Today is a day to grit our teeth and hope bedtime comes early.

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