Tag: raw

Posted on

Drawn back

I don’t know why, but here we are.

It’s been a year (almost exactly).
Here are some of the recent search terms people have used to find this site:

  • i hate being infertile
  • i hate fertile people
  • how to tell people you are infertile
  • i hate fertile women
  • fertile people
  • fertile people don’t understand
  • infertile people hate when
  • stupid things people say to infertile women
  • fucking hate fertile people
  • hate infertility
  • what infertile people want you to know
  • things i wish people knew about infertility
  • i hate being around pregnant women infertility
  • stupid fertiles
  • why are stupid people so fertile
  • dear god why am i infertile
  • is it normal to feel off kilter during miscarriage

Heartbreaking.

Posted on

Stolen

Infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss has stolen a lot from me. I was just thinking today that I will never again see a positive pregnancy test and be happy like I was the first time. That was a wonderful time. The testing like crazy, watching the line get darker and taking lots of pictures to send to my mother-in-law. After we lost that baby, every other positive test has been met with fear. And usually, “Oh shit.”

I just want to have that first feeling again. I want Joe to have it too. It’s one of the many things that this journey has stolen from us.

Posted on

Raw

I shared this blog with a friend. She responded that it is sure full of hurt. Yep, guilty on that one.

I am having to very consciously censor myself in a lot of these posts. While it’s therapeutic to throw everything out on the table, I have to remember my true intentions: Dear Fertile People, things an infertile girl wants you to know.

It’s not: Dear Fertile People, you do everything wrong and I hate you.
Or
Dear Fertile People, WTF is wrong with you?
Or
Dear Fertile People, I’m a jealous, negative bitch.

It’s things that I want you to know.

I can’t promise that I will always have the level of tact that I should, or that I won’t come across as excessively angry.
Unfortunately, I am excessively angry and raw.