Purple nail polish?

In the last month or so, I have had several unexpected infertility and loss bonding sessions.
A sweet co-worker going through her first loss. The lovely tech taking my blood the day before Mother’s Day while being surrounding by pregnant women. The online friend trying to figure out how to mark the due date of her lost baby without falling into the pit of depression.

These three conversations were a result of my openness and willingness to talk about infertility and loss. This is fairly new for me. I used to be fully in the closet. I don’t even know why. Why don’t people talk about infertility? It’s too personal? That just seems silly now. I gain so much from these interactions. Infertility, despite the strong online community, is very isolating in real life. Fertility is all around you – literally. You feel alone in your grief with only your spouse to hang on to. Until you start talking about it. When you find a person dealing with infertility too, the bond is immediate. You are sisters. Sisters in loss. We have our own club. It sucks, but it’s ours.

I wish that there was a way for us to find each other IRL. Without stupid rubber bracelets. Something more subtle. Purple nail polish on our pinky fingers?

Don’t Say This

It took me forever to get pregnant but look at him/her now!
I struggled with infertility but now I have 11 kids!
It took me FIVE MONTHS to get pregnant!
When you have been in the game as long as I have, there is no success story in the world that will make you hopeful.
I love talking to people going through prolonged infertility; we share a bond that is amazing.
People sharing because they think they have gone through the same thing as me though is really, really difficult. Unless you’re at eight years with six losses, you don’t truly know.

I really am happy for those that have found success. I am no longer inspired by them though.


Hugs to those who have not yet had the chance to celebrate a day like today.

Today is about grief too. The world might not understand that, but I do.